Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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