Tell her she can't have a vagina
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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