Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
