They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
