Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
