dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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