I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I bet he comes in French.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
