I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We need a shit load of segways right now
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
