The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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