Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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