the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
