I bet he comes in French.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
