Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
