my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
