I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
so much tequila, so little girl.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
