You smell like stripper and shame
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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