you lied. pity sex is amazing.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
