so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
