Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.