Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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