don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
