Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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