I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
