Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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