bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
