why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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