you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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