I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
