She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
