yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize