9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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