I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
