??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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