I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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