I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
