I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
