if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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