oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Walk of Shame today included voting.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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