hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
