Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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