I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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