Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
