i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
