good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
