i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
