Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
