i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
