State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
