you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
