Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
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