I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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