Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
