I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
