...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
