Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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