This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
