drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
