Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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