The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
