He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Randomize
