my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
