no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
