Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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