Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
nutella sex= disaster
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
