Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
