Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
