you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
