I'm going to jail i love you
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
