I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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